There have been many times over the course of my thirty-odd years when people I’ve known have been inspirational–often precisely at times when I’ve needed it most, and always without trying. By “inspirational,” I mean that they’ve done or said something, acted or spoken in such a way, that made me think “I want to be like that.” Or that made me stop short and re-evaluate my own priorities, and sometimes even life goals. There’s no rhyme, reason, or pattern to it–it’s random, unexpected, and brings such…joy. That momentary flash of enlightenment, when the universe, just for an instant, is in balance, and all is as it should be. Of course, after that moment things return to their normal imperfect, frustrating, painful chaos, and you only have the memory of that moment, that example. But perhaps that’s what it means to inspire. Reminds me of that biblical passage, where God was not in the storm, or the wind, but in “the still, small voice.” It is in quiet, unexpected, unplanned moments that the greatest truth is often to be found… What follows below is a random, and by no means exhaustive, list of people who have inspired me. Their names are initials, to protect the innocent, but if you’re one of my friends or acquaintance, and recognize yourself, yeah, it’s probably you.
MC, one of my recent students, who really brought me up short one morning, when I said something about having “high hopes and low expectations,” spoke up immediately and said, “No no! High hopes and high expectations!” I really needed to hear that, at precisely that moment. Because otherwise it just becomes an excuse for not giving “it” everything you’ve got.
PS and MS, who on top of being an amazing couple, are so kind, and generous, and dedicated. One day I hope to have the discipline and focus that PS displays on a daily basis. And the work MS does with foster animals just lifts the heart, and is a reminder to always be a little kinder, and that the greatest joy is doing things for others.
AA, whose attitude and determination to seek the good has been a comfort and in some ways a conscience for this past year. To maintain this after enduring long illness and emotional trauma fills one with admiration.
DP, who has endured similar trials, and has also faced loneliness and isolation as a result of them–something I have never had to endure. Who took the lead in guiding me out of my own post-breakup dumps a few years ago. Slight in build, but mighty in heart. Deus tecum.
MF, who has taken on and endured challenges I would never have dared, and is somehow making a go of being simultaneously a husband, a scholar, a stepfather, and a teacher.
SB, who is unquestionably one of the, if not the, most talented student(s) I have ever taught, and likely ever will teach. And equally talented in music, too. But along with that, seeing the growing maturity and character over the years has been equally rewarding.
EF, who is right up there with SB, and whose energy and drive and outgoing personality have renewed my own spirits many times in the last 4-5 years. Watching the growth in self-confidence as she goes on to better and better things, and keeps (over-)achieving, has been awesome.
It is always interesting to look at what one wrote a year ago, and see how much things have changed, or else how much of what you wrote then was borne out in the following weeks and months. So, I’ve been looking back on 2012 in light of my new year’s post for 2011…Yay, self-referentiality!
It feels somewhat strange to write about a year that, while stressful, was actually quite good. A hellish year, which some of my friends and acquaintance have had, can be reviewed with hope for the future, and a sense of survival and toughness, taking stock and counting each good moment that much dearer. A year of recovery, which is what 2011 was for me, breathes hope and buoyancy, as the warm sunshine beckons after the shadow. But a year when, on the whole, things went well…it’s difficult to write about without coming off sounding smug or boastful. Which I’m not, and try very hard not to be–no one except my handful of enemies would accuse me of that.
Actually, that’s a good jumping off point. Humility and humanity has been the overarching lessons to my life from college through part of grad school–the acceptance, and embrace, of the fact that we all have our own stories, struggles, and accomplishments, and that all are to be respected for that. You don’t stand above or outside the crowd, whatever you may feel in the pressure of the moment. Someone, somewhere, has had a similar, or more extreme, experience, than yourself. Be humble in any of your small successes, and humble in your pain and grief. To be otherwise is to separate yourself from the rest of humanity. That’s one lesson I’ve tried to learn over the years.
The next lesson, and one which is an ongoing struggle, is that of self-respect. I think it works hand-in-hand with humility, but is both an active and a passive quality. It is passive in that, when it works with humility, it allows you to listen to and accept criticism, and modify your ways accordingly. Preaching to others, but rarely listening to others or being self-critical in light of others, is an insidious character flaw, one whose harms you may never truly grasp. To adhere to your ways out of some misplaced belief that to change in the face of criticism is to lose dignity is, well, misguided. Listening to others can often be the best path to self-improvement. On the other hand, I think self-respect is active in two ways: it demands from you accountability, and discipline in that you should use your (I believe God-given) talents to their utmost. But it also is a critical leavening agent in that it requests respect from others. It should enable you to detect the difference between criticism that is meant in good faith, even when that criticism is couched in tough, and even hurtful, language, and that which is simply vicious, ad hominem, and arrogant, meant to stroke the ego of the critic, not lead to your self-improvement. Getting that balance between humility and self-respect is very hard…
But for me the great lesson of 2012 has been kindness. Charity, if you will. The other day my friend Audrey posted a quote attributed to the Buddha, “Life is so very difficult. How can we be anything but kind,” that really mirrored my feelings as 2012 came to an end. I think I began to have a similar realization when I wrote about Parzival’s Sin, back in May. “If you fail in charity,” I wrote then, “faith and hope haven’t much of a chance.” I think that is my greatest lesson from 2012. We must be kind. If you acknowledge no other moral dictate or claim upon your life and actions, surely you would grant the claims of kindness. That is the measure of greatness of character. It comprehends humility and self-respect, in that it means when you gaze upon the world through your physical eyes, you do so with an emotional predisposition to be slow to judgment, to give the benefit of the doubt, to be aware of those who might need a helping hand.
Yes, that means some people are going to take advantage of you, to use you for their own ends. What of it? That will happen anyway; just keep them at an emotional distance, and carry on. Better, as Megan told me a month ago or so, to always err on the side of kindness. Having been on the receiving end of a lot of reprehensible behavior in the last few years, I know it can be extremely hard to err on that side. And having also failed in kindness, particularly late one autumn night a few years ago, I realize just how important it is to make that error of kindness. It doesn’t mean you are “wrong ” (whatever that means), or conceding the other’s points, but some things are better left unsaid. Because unkindness causes pain, and with pain departs any chance of your words being positive and helpful. And if there is no chance of that, then you should err on the side of kindness.
And in a real sense, whether you approach in a spiritual or secular frame of mind, to be that kindness means starting with yourself, and really thinking hard about who you are, what you are, and how you approach the world. Cue one of my new favorite songs: So, as the church says, “here ends the first/second/third lesson.”
Thus transitioning a bit to “update” material: Yes, Colbie continues to be my favorite contemporary vocalist. And Jason Mraz’s “I Won’t Give Up” is another of my favorite songs.
Fitness has suffered a bit, what with a brutal fall schedule and sampling of colds, likely caught from my students. On the other hand, good friends continue to get better with age; and on New Years’ Eve I was surprised by a video call from some of my closest friends, who just wanted to hang out a bit, catch up, and celebrate the coming of the new year with their quirky, goofy, absent friend (at least, that’s how I *might* describe myself??). Good friends are good.
And good future family is excellent. To be welcomed so warmly into such a wonderful home by all my future in-laws was such a wonderful experience over the holidays.
This coming year, well, there’s a lot happening: dissertations are on the cusp of being finished, articles published. If I can stay disciplined, who knows, maybe that elusive black belt may come within view by the end of the year.
And most importantly, a wedding will be happening, and then creating a new home together.
In last year’s post, I wrote that “I will still make mistakes, suffer temptations and distractions, but the important things are faith and humility, to not believe you have the answers to everything, to doubt and criticize yourself, and to enjoy life in ways that keep you strong and help other people. Here’s hoping 2012 is that kind of year.” I think it has been.
If 2012 was good year, then, God willing, 2013 will be a great one. Fides, Spes, et Caritas.
Fallen off the map for a while again. However, now that it’s getting up to mid-November and there isn’t an end in sight, one might as well do a bit of blogging. I’ve filed away so many links to blog about that I can’t keep track of them any more–so, as they say, “just do it” and blog!
That’s rather the mantra for the last couple months–“just do it.” I’ve been having a blast teaching military history. It IS what I have been preparing for, for years. And my experience in teaching writing courses is serving me in very good stead as we approach the research paper. In just a few months, I’m ten times the teacher I was last year. But it quickly becomes an all-consuming activity, and it is very hard to keep one’s life balanced. That includes sticking to a schedule that would optimize the time spent on work, exercise, relaxation, healthy food, and sleep. Still experimenting. There are a few things that help, in ascending order of importance: a) lentil soup. Lentil soup is our frieeeeeend. It is tasty, healthy, and very easy to make. b) not staying up till 1 a.m., which I am doing now. Reasonable bed time = gooooooood. c) fiancee who sends you healthy, delicious recipes, tasty treats, and generally inspires you to try to do better. CHECK! Well, MOST of the recipes are healthy…the toffee bars one is iffy.
But yeah. Things to try to remember. All of which facilitate working out and practicing karate and sword work, which are fun and healthy as well. It’s a circle of happy healthiness…Can the circle, however, remain unbroken?
Kitten helps too, sometimes. We split the cats recently, and I now have Emily with me. The little kraken has quickly taken over, and despite having, in two weeks, a) slashed holes in my air mattress, b) chewed my modem cord to pieces, c) torn apart a plastic bag of barley (went EVERYWHERE), d) gotten into the bread bag, e) spilled my coffee, f) chewed on dissertation papers, maps, and books, DESPITE all that, I say, it’s nice to have a creature to talk to, to bounce ideas off of, and to greet you in some fashion when you get home in the evening. The other cat is enjoying being the only child with Meg again, and doubtless is convinced that the ‘thing’ is out of her life forever. Poor delusional cat is in for a nasty surprise next summer, when we should be able to recombine establishments. But, that drama that will play out later…
A couple karate reflections in the mean time. Sensei Redmond had a rather grumpy post on the pop culture phenomenon of the small, skinny martial arts girl who can beat up any number of beefy guys. Not sure I really agree with him, though I take his point that the fight scenarios created in The Fifth Element and, yes, I’ll say it, Buffy, stretch suspension of disbelief a bit. But if the essence of martial arts is “to get there first with the most”–speed and power–and if power (and speed) is generated by technique, and not primarily from muscle mass, then the incongruity would seem to be more one of masculine dissatisfaction with that scenario. For my part, I’ve seen plenty of women of slight stature and lighter build at summer camp whose combat speed and power is considerable, and to whom I would give the greatest respect and deference in any disagreement!
On a slightly different note, I’d like to share a couple thoughts that have been bouncing around my head on topic with which I’ve had trouble for a good while: and that is, the concept of “finishing your opponent.” I’m not good at it, and despite practicing the move in and downward punch after a take down, my first instinct remains to stay on guard and back away a step or two. It made me realize that, had I ever actually done any boxing, as I have always wanted to, I probably wouldn’t be very good at closing out fights. Because, at a very basic level, the Christian, humanistic, and karate principles of restraint and mercy seem to be socially or naturally ingrained. If your opponent is reeling and cannot defend himself/herself, the fight is over. The danger is past. If you’ve cracked your opponent’s wrist or knee, disarmed him/her, and knocked the wind out of them by taking them to the ground, the fight is over. It’s now time to think about disengagement, and backing away from a situation you wish you’d never found yourself in–it’s not a time to rain more punches and kicks on a defenseless former assailant (see this excellent column for a discussion of exactly this point). And yet, that is how boxing, mma, and even karate matches are often won, really. I saw a spectacular match finish with A take down B, and as B rolled away A delivered a perfectly controlled and timed ax-kick to coccyx area of B. The control and timing were something to behold, but even if I could pull that off in an “real” contest, I strongly doubt I would. I guess it’s necessary to practice, though, so that you have the skills and judgment to comprehend whether the combat IS over or not. But if your first instinct is back away, I’d say don’t lose that instinct. It means your heart is in the right place.
Finally, here’s a link to a short list of instructional collections in European martial arts. I’m reviving my interest in the subject, and it’s nice to see all the great work being done out there.
Well, this has been a rambling post, but it’s good to blog again. More to follow…Good night!
History teacher, with a beloved wife, two cats, and a fondness for pensive, angst-filled movies that explore the moral tensions of the human condition. Catholic by default, humanist by conviction.
Quod Sumus...Hoc Eritis 